this time last year

At 7:30am 12/31/11 I woke up to Trevor's fire pager going off to announce a retirement for a fellow firefighter. I rolled over and told him I had a very vivid dream (which is typical for me) that I was pregnant with a little girl. We had been trying for a while and in December I received some bad test results so I was kind of bummed by the dream. December was the month I decided to not care so much, nearly impossible. Trev rolled over back to sleep and I laid in bed trying to decide if I should test or not. I had told myself I wasn't going to this month because I want tired of the disappointment. Dreams are a big part of my life (I have the Japanese character tattooed on my right shoulder). I finally decided to, so I snuck quietly to our upstairs bathroom so Trevor wouldn't hear me and call me out. I took it and went to go grab it and throw it out, fully expecting it to be negative like so many others, and it was POSITIVE! So positive for being so early. I wasn't even late yet! I had an OMG moment and then I ran downstairs, threw open our bedroom door and yelled to a sleeping Trevor "OMG, I'm pregnant". The look on his face was disbelief. We typed into a calendar that my due date would be 9.11. His grandpa Jack's birthday (who we always said we would name him after and my little brother Jack) and awesome since Trev was a firefighter.

The rest of that day is a blur to me. Our emotions were running so high. I was excited, nervous, scared, joyful, overwhelmed, and relieved all at the same time. We decided to tell those close to us right away but only those close to us. I packed up an Auntie Anne's pretzel shirt I had emailed the company for when we started trying, knowing that is how I wanted to tell my family, and we headed over to my parents' house. I told Annie I had forgotten one of her Christmas presents and had her open it. I could tell she was less than enthused and after a few minutes it finally clicked for my mom and she said "Are you?!" To which I started crying and said "Yes!" Then she proceeded to give me oodles of boy things she just bought because she had a feeling it'd happen soon. My dad was just in shock. As typical teenagers, Annie and Max just thought it was "cool".

Next we went to his parents' rental house they were staying in because of their house fire. Trev started a conversation with them about how terrible 2011 had been for them since their house burnt down and Laurie lost her brother. Then he said "Well 2012 will be better because you will be grandparents and get your updated house". It took Laurie a second and then she started crying and was so happy. Harry proceeded to say he wondered if I was because I started to look it. I guess at 11 days pregnant I was already starting to gain those 55 lbs lol.

A few hours later we called my sister, brother and sister in law who were all out to dinner in Traverse City. They were shocked. I don't even know that they knew we were trying!

Later that night we went bowling with his parents and cousin Autumn and Mark. We didn't tell them but I bowled a 119 (911 backwards) and at the same time the song "Hit the road, Jack" played. And I noticed, for the first time, that my jacket was by the company Jack.

After bowling we went to Heather and Seth's to see them and Erich and Michelle. We got there and I pulled out of a shopping bag my drink for the night, sparkling juice. The girls screamed and Heather started getting teary eyed. It was awesome. At midnight Trevor and I kissed and celebrated 2012 being the year we would become parents.

I look back to last New Year's Eve and while the memories are still fresh in my head, it feels like forever ago. I feel like I'm a completely different person from that day, and maybe I am. As Trevor and I were laying in bed last night reliving these memories, I told him "This time last year was the last time I thought about myself". Life is crazy, exhausting and chaotic now and I never get enough sleep or have enough time to get done all the things I'd like but boy is it 100x better. 2012 was an amazing year. I carried and had my first child and we became parents. He brings us so much joy and laughter and has really changed our marriage. Being a mom has really made me look at myself and the kind of person I want to be. I can only imagine how wonderful 2013 is going to be because of our Jack.