First, a weight update. I lost 2.5 lbs this week from our decision to eat like plant based whole foods vegans. What a slow battle I have ahead of me. I'm nervous for starting back to work in six weeks and not having any clothes to wear and having to spend a lot of money on a new wardrobe. The money I got for my birthday just got me started on nursing bras and tops-boy are those pricey! Definitely a new adjustment from being skinny with no effort for 26 years. Trev lost 6 lbs this week so we are still going to continue with veganism for now. We each had a little cheese this week just for convenience sake when we ate out at Panera. It is just difficult all around to cook because Jack likes to be held constantly and would comfort nurse all day if I let him (a pacifier really doesn't work well with him). I don't mind holding him or wearing him in the Moby but it makes doing things as simple as cooking quite difficult.
Something that has become really obvious to both Trevor and I (the type A planner that I am) is that there is no way to know what you'll want and need for a baby before they're here. It's somewhat frustrating for me because I am a minimalist at heart and neither of us like clutter. Tonight Trevor and I were saying that we just need cloth diapering items, a carrier (Moby/Boba), car seat and some zippered sleepers. Maybe the swing, too! Yet we have tons of baby things. Obviously there are little things like towels, nursing pillows and such are needed but we are shocked at how little babies require. Jack is co-sleeping with us. He will not sleep in his rock n play, bouncy, pack n play or crib no matter what and I refuse to let him cry-it-out. I was really nervous about co-sleeping at first but I don't move an inch with him next to me and I keep pillows and covers out of the way. I actually like the snuggles and think they'll be even better once I'm back to work and gone half the day. If he sleeps in his swing instead I actually miss him and have a hard time sleeping!
So here we have all of these places for him to lay and sit and he is not at all interested. He will occasionally sleep in the swing but he gets so chilly I end up just letting him nap in the Moby. I'm hopeful baby #2 enjoys these things but I won't be upset if it doesn't. I love holding my baby. Jack's crib will convert to a bigger bed when he's older so its not a lost cause but Trev and I are already toying with the idea of just getting a king sized bed instead of a crib next time! I would have never thought we'd be in this position! Luckily I never said never during pregnancy. I knew it would be a wait and see deal but its still surprising.
Also, whoever invented snaps on baby clothing is ridiculous. Zippers are where it's at. Or onesies with baby legs. Mental note for next kid: don't buy snaps.
Yesterday I tried exclusively pumping instead of breastfeeding but it was draining (pun intended lol). I wanted to try it because Jack feeds ALL THE TIME and 45 minutes to an hour each sitting. So yesterday while pumping I had to make sure I was ahead of his needs at all times, then I had spend the time sitting at the pump where I couldn't do anything (hard when you have a baby that wants to be held), wash parts and bottles and then feed him. At first he seemed much more content with the bottle but as the night went on he wanted to comfort nurse. This stressed me out because I couldn't pump if he was doing this and if he did, I wouldn't have anything to pump. Also, how would I be able to build my stash for my return to work if I had to feed him everythinv I pumped? At 8 PM I said screw it and went back to nursing. I think nursing would be faster if we didn't have to use the shield (over supply and over active let down issues) but I tried a couple times yesterday and he freaked out.
So all in all parenting is really a bunch of trial and error (says the expert here at 6 weeks). He has his own personality (that my mom says mirrors mine as a baby) and needs that I'm learning I just need to meet by going with the flow.
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Baby Weight Weight-Loss Time
During my pregnancy with Jack I gained 55 lbs (and Trevor gained a few sympathy pounds as well!). I know this is way more than the recommended 25-35 but there was no way for me to have avoided it. First, I ate a healthy vegetarian diet the entire time. Sure I splurged on a pumpkin pie blizzard or cookies here and there but I've always had a healthy palate and preferred healthy foods. At one point one of the OBs at my office (who is also a vegetarian with vegan daughters) asked how I thought I was eating. I told him "I eat oatmeal for breakfast, hummus sandwiches for lunch and whole grains and veggies for dinner; I even snacked on kale chips last night". He responded that gaining more weight was what my body must need to do. I agree. My mom gained 60 with me and I was 8lb 11oz. Jack was no small baby at 8lb 8 oz so I know he and all the other pregnancy lovelies (amniotic fluid, placenta, extra blood) took up a majority of it. I'd even venture to say my boobs took up the rest (I went from a 32D to 38E!-only 10 shirts in my pre pregnancy wardrobe fit over my chest right now).
Well here I am one month postpartum and my belly is still quite soft. I'm at 135lbs with 20lbs still to go. (35 lost so far!) I don't think I will be able to get to my pre pregnancy weight while I am breastfeeding (my goal is to do so for at least a year, maybe two). I know my body needs more fat stores in order to keep up milk production, but I would like to start being healthier.
Ever since my pregnancy cravings have gone away I have really started craving healthy foods again. Trevor and I made home made pizza the other night and it just didn't taste good. I told him I was craving kale. I know I am nuts but I've always been this way. When I was younger (like 8?) I remember my Aunt Chris bringing a strawberry and spinach salad to a potluck and LOVING it and wanting to eat that over the mayo based salads and chips that frequent potlucks. I have never liked French fries, mayo, pop, or tons of sweets so eating healthy has been easy for me. I go to The Lodge in Keego Harbor because I crave the way they steam their broccoli!
So long story made even longer, Trevor and I both wanted to lose some weight and eat healthier. I really wanted to go back to being vegan and not vegetarian-I just felt so much better. Yesterday we purchased (for $5) this week's meal plan from happyherbivore.com. I have all of her cookbooks (and love them) so why buy her meal plans? Having a baby makes meal time really hectic. Sometimes meals happen at crazy hours, get consumed way after they've been prepared or I just don't eat because I am too tired. I had been living off Trader Joe's frozen meals and carry out for at least two months (bed rest and a newborn will do that to you) and knew my sodium intake had to be sky high. The meal plans factor in leftovers for other meals so that I'm not cooking all the time, are all vegan, are fast and easy (so Trevor can make them!) and are all plant based and vegan. It makes eating healthy VERY easy. When I went grocery shopping yesterday, (which was my first time with Jack and not Trevor and I may have been super anxious about it. He slept in the Moby-thank goodness!) I loved how our cart looked. Nothing processed, no dairy and it was overflowing with produce. I was so excited to start!
This morning our first meal was an Apple Pie Smoothie and 1/2 cup of blueberries. Trevor did a great job with the smoothie and it really tasted like apple pie! The meal plan contains recipes for breakfast, lunch and dinner and pre plans snacks and desserts. The only drawback is the daily caloric intake is 1,200. It's recommended that breastfeeding moms eat 1,500-1,900 calories a day to help milk production. So, I plan to add some healthy snacks (like my larabar this morning) to make sure I hit those numbers. I feel pretty confident, though, that just eating clean and healthy food will make a huge difference in my journey. I don't ever expect my body to look the same. It created, held and birthed a human. But I would like to feel less squishy for now.
Wish us luck! I hope we can stick to it!
Well here I am one month postpartum and my belly is still quite soft. I'm at 135lbs with 20lbs still to go. (35 lost so far!) I don't think I will be able to get to my pre pregnancy weight while I am breastfeeding (my goal is to do so for at least a year, maybe two). I know my body needs more fat stores in order to keep up milk production, but I would like to start being healthier.
Ever since my pregnancy cravings have gone away I have really started craving healthy foods again. Trevor and I made home made pizza the other night and it just didn't taste good. I told him I was craving kale. I know I am nuts but I've always been this way. When I was younger (like 8?) I remember my Aunt Chris bringing a strawberry and spinach salad to a potluck and LOVING it and wanting to eat that over the mayo based salads and chips that frequent potlucks. I have never liked French fries, mayo, pop, or tons of sweets so eating healthy has been easy for me. I go to The Lodge in Keego Harbor because I crave the way they steam their broccoli!
So long story made even longer, Trevor and I both wanted to lose some weight and eat healthier. I really wanted to go back to being vegan and not vegetarian-I just felt so much better. Yesterday we purchased (for $5) this week's meal plan from happyherbivore.com. I have all of her cookbooks (and love them) so why buy her meal plans? Having a baby makes meal time really hectic. Sometimes meals happen at crazy hours, get consumed way after they've been prepared or I just don't eat because I am too tired. I had been living off Trader Joe's frozen meals and carry out for at least two months (bed rest and a newborn will do that to you) and knew my sodium intake had to be sky high. The meal plans factor in leftovers for other meals so that I'm not cooking all the time, are all vegan, are fast and easy (so Trevor can make them!) and are all plant based and vegan. It makes eating healthy VERY easy. When I went grocery shopping yesterday, (which was my first time with Jack and not Trevor and I may have been super anxious about it. He slept in the Moby-thank goodness!) I loved how our cart looked. Nothing processed, no dairy and it was overflowing with produce. I was so excited to start!
This morning our first meal was an Apple Pie Smoothie and 1/2 cup of blueberries. Trevor did a great job with the smoothie and it really tasted like apple pie! The meal plan contains recipes for breakfast, lunch and dinner and pre plans snacks and desserts. The only drawback is the daily caloric intake is 1,200. It's recommended that breastfeeding moms eat 1,500-1,900 calories a day to help milk production. So, I plan to add some healthy snacks (like my larabar this morning) to make sure I hit those numbers. I feel pretty confident, though, that just eating clean and healthy food will make a huge difference in my journey. I don't ever expect my body to look the same. It created, held and birthed a human. But I would like to feel less squishy for now.
Wish us luck! I hope we can stick to it!
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Jack is one month old today!
I can hardly believe that our bubba (Jack's nickname...along with Jackariah...sorry bud!) is one month old. Part of me feels like it was just yesterday and the other part of me can't remember what life was like before him. It certainly didn't move this fast. Once he got here life started moving at a lightening fast pace. Because of that I make sure that I snuggle him as often as possible. I have a hard time even putting him in his swing or bouncy (asleep or awake) just because I want to soak up every moment with him before he is mobile and more curious. Being a mom is amazing. Although my body is nothing like what it was before at this point, I don't mind. It did an amazing job creating this adorable little person. Speaking of little, he has grown "perfectly" as his doctor said today. Here are his stats:
LINK TO PRO PICS BY AMANDA WILLIAMS: Click here
- 9 lbs, 7.5 oz (50th percentile)
- 22.5 inches long (85th percentile)
- One of my favorite things that only I really can notice is he has a small little pulse on his upper left cheek when I am nursing him. I like that it is something special for us.
- He is absolutely amazed by lights. He could stare at them for hours. Also, this makes it look like he is watching sports when the TV is on...Trevor is proud.
- He is obsessed with his hands. It is a constant struggle during nursing to keep them away from his mouth. He really wants to be a finger sucker and I am trying to avoid it with the use of his pacis.
- He has been smiling since day one but is doing it more often now and giggling occasionally, too. It melts our hearts. We will sit there and just watch his facial expressions.
- Speaking of which, after he eats, he makes so many facial expressions. Smirks, eyebrow raises (one and both), angry faces, kissy lips or he will simply pass out in a milk coma.
- He is a very gassy baby...this is where he is like Trevor. Jack farts, burps, spits up, hiccups and everything in between more often than any baby I have ever been around.
- He also has the same cowlick in his hair as Trevor. It looks like his hair might be going blonde like Trevor's was when he was younger.
- Jack loves bath time and hates to get out!
- Like his mom he talks in his sleep (he sings, too...which I do not do!).
- Singing "You are my sunshine" and "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" can usually pacify him for a little bit!
- The rain noise on my White Noise App on my phone lulls him into sleep at night...thank goodness.
- 8pm-12am are his fussy times and 6am-8am he usually wants to party.
- On 10.8.12 he started really talking with us a lot.
- When he is really hungry he will oink.
- The first time he peed outside of his diaper was during a bath and he shot it straight into an electrical outlet.
- He is wearing mostly 0-3 month clothing. He could fit into some newborn but it is a stretch and I don't like the struggle.
- He loves looking at baby in the mirror on his play mat and grabbing at the elephant and monkey. During tummy time he is doing a great job of holding his head up!
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
the story of jack thomas
This is going to be a long post with probably some intense and personal information...you've been warned! :)
If I've learned anything in my three weeks of parenting, it is that flexibility is key. In preparation for Jack's birth I literally read every natural child birth book available, watched movies like The Business of Being Born and had Trevor do much of the same. I downloaded mp3s of hypnobirthing and listened to them daily while practicing yoga breathing and holding ice cubes in my hands to simulate pain. I typed up positive affirmations to read daily and a birth plan with well thought out and researched choices. at our child birth class I ignored most of our last class as we discussed interventions and pain meds. I wanted natural childbirth so badly. So much so that I was absolutely devastated when at 36 weeks my blood pressure sky rocketed, had to be monitored at the hospital and was on modified bed rest. If I had to be induced, the chances of natural childbirth would be really slim. Thankfully I was able to keep my blood pressure at a safe high level and had no other symptoms of pre-eclampsia, so no talks of induction.
My whole pregnancy I had wanted to go late so that I wouldn't have to go back to work until January after Christmas break. However, once my blood pressure issues came up, I started mentally planning for him to come early. Needless to say, I was shocked when it seemed as though I might go past my due date (especially since I had one night ten days prior to my due date of timeable contractions). Work was really challenging. The beginning of the school year is always exhausting but being at the end of pregnancy, carrying around 55 extra pounds and having high blood pressure was really intense.
Well, the day before my due date (Monday 9.10.12), I was determined to get this baby out. I had been drinking red raspberry leaf tea, eating pineapple and spicy food and doing about any old wive's tale besides walking (blood pressure issues) to try to start labor. At lunch that day I started feeling sharp, random cramps so I decided to walk. Once I got home and Trevor went off to work, I decided to see if I could get these cramps to turn into something. I leashed Sofía up and we walked. The cramps were there but nothing painful or timeable. Something in me told me it was going to happen, though. I decided I should eat a healthy and filling dinner (spicy pasta fagioli with spinach) and relax. I even texted Trevor and told him to take it easy at work because I though it would be that night.
At 7:40pm while laying on the couch and playing on the computer, I heard the loudest pop inside of me. I immediately stood up, knowing that if it was my water, I'd have a gush...sure enough there was one! I freaked out for a second and then called Trevor. He answered and immediately said he would call me back and I said, "No, my water broke!". He has never been home faster.
My contractions started immediately and were tolerable but required focus, about 4 minutes apart and 1 minute long. I was prepared to labor at home for a long time so I started cleaning up the house a bit and getting ready by taking a shower. The look on Trevor's face when he walked in the door was priceless. Scared, excited and nervous. He went and got dinner for himself and then we laid in bed watching Monday Night Football where I kept timing contractions. I called my doctor and let her know what happened and she said as long as I could feel Jack move between contractions, we were fine to labor at home.
While laying in bed my contractions really picked up; usually you need to walk and get them going in early labor so I was shocked. Trev and I looked over my birth plan and my relaxation reminders and then suddenly my contractions were intense, 1 minute long and 2 minutes apart. I texted my natural mama friend Jianna who recommended I call my doctor and my doctor thought it would be good for me to come in. We got our bag, fed the animals and walked out to the car. I could not sit straight up at all in my labor so I sat in the back seat with a pillow and moaned the whole way to the hospital. I was shivering like crazy (which they later told me was from all the hormones racing through my body) and feeling like I was going to be sick. Trev had one hand on the wheel and one hand reached back to touch my leg.
We finally arrived at the hospital around 11 and had to go in through the emergency entrance and then wheeled to labor and delivery. We checked in and went to triage. They had me gown up and hooked me up to the monitors and a hep lock. They did an ultrasound to confirm he was head down and then checked to see how far I was. 3 cm and 90% effaced. I looked at Trevor and said "I feel so defeated". My contractions were coming hard and fast. How could my contractions be so intense and have only gotten me so far? They monitored Jack for 20 minutes and did bloodwork to check my pre-eclampsia status. They then asked if I wanted anything for pain and I said no. If I could moan into a pillow tilted to the left on my back, I was OK. I was just focused on not clenching my jaw. They then told me my water did not break and I must have just peed. To this day I know they are wrong. How do I hear a pop, stand up and feel a gush and then contractions start immediately and intensely and that just be from my bladder? I will forever disagree with them.
They then had me walk to my room, which ended up being the same room my girlfriend, Jianna, had and that was painful. I was 4cm and 100% at that point and in serious pain. I wasn't getting any rest between contractions as they were staying in my back, were 2 minutes long and 2 minutes apart. The nurse anesthetist came in and discussed pain options but I thought I should try the tub first. The tub helped for a couple of hours (the jets on my back felt great) and to get me to 7cm but at that point my contractions were on top of each other, I had back labor, I had taught all day and went walking after work and I was exhausted. My body never eased into labor and at 3am and 7cm I decided I needed to get out of the tub and get some relief. I just kept begging for rest. I always thought I would be upset with myself if I got pain meds but I wasn't. I'm still not but I am bummed now that labor didn't go as expected. I anticipated rest between contractions and I never got that. Flexibility is key. I decided to get IV pain meds because it was suppose to be low intervention and just take the edge off. That's all I needed because I knew I still had transition and pushing to get through. I was starting to get terrified of transition because I knew it was the hardest part and my labor had been already what I expected of transition. Well all it did was make me high as a kite and no relief. I thought my nurse, who was amazing by the way, was hiding under my bedside table. I am mad I got the Stadol. It was "wasted" meds-didn't help at all.
So the decision to get an epidural was made and waiting for the fluid bag to get through me was excruciatingly long. They broke my water and I got the epidural. I know I was fine with the decision when I couldn't have cared less on the size of the needle (I'm absolutely terrified of them). The hardest part was sitting for it and sitting still while I was having contractions. This was around 4:30am and I was 8cm.
I'm glad I waited so long to get my epidural because he was barely, if at all, affected by it and neither was the speed of my labor. By 5:45 I was 10cm and 100% effaced and feeling ready to push. My epidural had ran out and I was ready to push without it. I had my break, I didn't need a refill. However, before they would let me push I had to wait for my doctor to get there and change and had to have a temporary catheter because I couldn't pee because of the epidural. They had me wait to push until 6:30 while my contractions pushed him down further. That was so uncomfortable...feeling the need to push and not being able to.
At 6:30am I finally began pushing and boy did I underestimate it. It was such a slow process. Finally around 7:45/8am things really got moving. Lights were being turned on, nurses were coming in, the bed was getting broken down and I was getting amazing motivation from Trevor and the doctor. I really needed it because I was exhausted. I was sleeping between pushing contractions and having Trevor spoon feed me ice chips. I started begging my doctor to do anything she could, just get him out. She gave me a small episiotomy (which I didn't want originally but didn't care at this point-I would have taken a c-section-and I ended up not tearing because of it) and I just had a few pushes left. They kept saying he had dark hair which Trevor was shocked by-he was convinced it would be blond like he was. I was thankful for the amount of hair; it made all the heartburn worth it. Every time I pushed my doctor kept saying "He's almost here" and Trevor kept saying "Oh boy". I looked at him and said "He's going to be born on his due date, grandpa Jack's birthday". I thought Trevor was going to lose it then. His grandpa Jack meant so much to him.
At 8:14am I felt him squirm out and they put him on my chest. Trevor cried and I surprisingly did not. My mom said she heard my last push and his first cry in the hall. I was so relieved he was finally here and I was so amazed by him. He was so alert (8 and 9 on his apgars) and we just hung out skin to skin. He cried to clear out his lungs and I told him how much I loved him, happy birthday and sorry how rough his day had been. After some skin to skin and an attempt at breastfeeding they weighed him and measured him. 8lb 8oz and 20 3/4 in long. They kept saying it was a quick labor for such a big baby. I disagree. It was so intense, I feel like it should have been shorter.
Recovery was rougher than I thought it would be but we stayed until Thursday morning and that helped. Our hospital was amazing. The staff, nurses, housekeeping and room service, was all amazing. The healthy food was phenomenal and I made sure to order lots of it at each meal.
I won't bore you all (although I may have already) with the details of our hospital stay and first days home with visitors and I'm not going to talk too much about how awesome Jack is because I plan to do a 1 month old post next week (how can he be a month so soon?!) but I will say a few words. Being a mom is amazing and I have such a happy baby. He laughs and smiles a ton already, really doesn't cry or fuss and is absolutely adorable. The only meltdowns we have had (both Jack and I) are from difficulties breastfeeding. After five trips to a lactation consultant, endless hours researching on sites like kellymom.com and a few crying sessions, Jack and I are happily breastfeeding. I actually did this whole post while feeding him and on my phone. Our sessions had been so upsetting and hard before that I would have never thought this would be possible.
I want to leave with this, though. Before the last three weeks, labor and attempting breastfeeding I definitely had some judgements of those that got epidurals and formula fed. But having gone through everything I have recently I now know that there can be no guarantees with parenting. We can plan and hope for certain outcomes but flexibility and letting go the need to have everything go perfectly as planned won't make anyone happy. (Although cloth diapering is going so well and I'm thankful for that!). I hope I can remember this lesson as I raise Jack as I'm sure there will be times when life doesn't go as planned. I think in the end it was good for me to have struggled with labor and breastfeeding because I now have dropped unnecessary judgements that aren't fair. Mommy wars are so ridiculous. I hope I can refrain from judging in the future because we all are just doing the best we can with what we have at the moment. Now he just looked at me and smiled so I'm going to go and read a book to him and hope tonight has a lot of sleep for everyone but I won't be upset if it doesn't work out quite that way.
If I've learned anything in my three weeks of parenting, it is that flexibility is key. In preparation for Jack's birth I literally read every natural child birth book available, watched movies like The Business of Being Born and had Trevor do much of the same. I downloaded mp3s of hypnobirthing and listened to them daily while practicing yoga breathing and holding ice cubes in my hands to simulate pain. I typed up positive affirmations to read daily and a birth plan with well thought out and researched choices. at our child birth class I ignored most of our last class as we discussed interventions and pain meds. I wanted natural childbirth so badly. So much so that I was absolutely devastated when at 36 weeks my blood pressure sky rocketed, had to be monitored at the hospital and was on modified bed rest. If I had to be induced, the chances of natural childbirth would be really slim. Thankfully I was able to keep my blood pressure at a safe high level and had no other symptoms of pre-eclampsia, so no talks of induction.
My whole pregnancy I had wanted to go late so that I wouldn't have to go back to work until January after Christmas break. However, once my blood pressure issues came up, I started mentally planning for him to come early. Needless to say, I was shocked when it seemed as though I might go past my due date (especially since I had one night ten days prior to my due date of timeable contractions). Work was really challenging. The beginning of the school year is always exhausting but being at the end of pregnancy, carrying around 55 extra pounds and having high blood pressure was really intense.
Well, the day before my due date (Monday 9.10.12), I was determined to get this baby out. I had been drinking red raspberry leaf tea, eating pineapple and spicy food and doing about any old wive's tale besides walking (blood pressure issues) to try to start labor. At lunch that day I started feeling sharp, random cramps so I decided to walk. Once I got home and Trevor went off to work, I decided to see if I could get these cramps to turn into something. I leashed Sofía up and we walked. The cramps were there but nothing painful or timeable. Something in me told me it was going to happen, though. I decided I should eat a healthy and filling dinner (spicy pasta fagioli with spinach) and relax. I even texted Trevor and told him to take it easy at work because I though it would be that night.
At 7:40pm while laying on the couch and playing on the computer, I heard the loudest pop inside of me. I immediately stood up, knowing that if it was my water, I'd have a gush...sure enough there was one! I freaked out for a second and then called Trevor. He answered and immediately said he would call me back and I said, "No, my water broke!". He has never been home faster.
My contractions started immediately and were tolerable but required focus, about 4 minutes apart and 1 minute long. I was prepared to labor at home for a long time so I started cleaning up the house a bit and getting ready by taking a shower. The look on Trevor's face when he walked in the door was priceless. Scared, excited and nervous. He went and got dinner for himself and then we laid in bed watching Monday Night Football where I kept timing contractions. I called my doctor and let her know what happened and she said as long as I could feel Jack move between contractions, we were fine to labor at home.
While laying in bed my contractions really picked up; usually you need to walk and get them going in early labor so I was shocked. Trev and I looked over my birth plan and my relaxation reminders and then suddenly my contractions were intense, 1 minute long and 2 minutes apart. I texted my natural mama friend Jianna who recommended I call my doctor and my doctor thought it would be good for me to come in. We got our bag, fed the animals and walked out to the car. I could not sit straight up at all in my labor so I sat in the back seat with a pillow and moaned the whole way to the hospital. I was shivering like crazy (which they later told me was from all the hormones racing through my body) and feeling like I was going to be sick. Trev had one hand on the wheel and one hand reached back to touch my leg.
We finally arrived at the hospital around 11 and had to go in through the emergency entrance and then wheeled to labor and delivery. We checked in and went to triage. They had me gown up and hooked me up to the monitors and a hep lock. They did an ultrasound to confirm he was head down and then checked to see how far I was. 3 cm and 90% effaced. I looked at Trevor and said "I feel so defeated". My contractions were coming hard and fast. How could my contractions be so intense and have only gotten me so far? They monitored Jack for 20 minutes and did bloodwork to check my pre-eclampsia status. They then asked if I wanted anything for pain and I said no. If I could moan into a pillow tilted to the left on my back, I was OK. I was just focused on not clenching my jaw. They then told me my water did not break and I must have just peed. To this day I know they are wrong. How do I hear a pop, stand up and feel a gush and then contractions start immediately and intensely and that just be from my bladder? I will forever disagree with them.
They then had me walk to my room, which ended up being the same room my girlfriend, Jianna, had and that was painful. I was 4cm and 100% at that point and in serious pain. I wasn't getting any rest between contractions as they were staying in my back, were 2 minutes long and 2 minutes apart. The nurse anesthetist came in and discussed pain options but I thought I should try the tub first. The tub helped for a couple of hours (the jets on my back felt great) and to get me to 7cm but at that point my contractions were on top of each other, I had back labor, I had taught all day and went walking after work and I was exhausted. My body never eased into labor and at 3am and 7cm I decided I needed to get out of the tub and get some relief. I just kept begging for rest. I always thought I would be upset with myself if I got pain meds but I wasn't. I'm still not but I am bummed now that labor didn't go as expected. I anticipated rest between contractions and I never got that. Flexibility is key. I decided to get IV pain meds because it was suppose to be low intervention and just take the edge off. That's all I needed because I knew I still had transition and pushing to get through. I was starting to get terrified of transition because I knew it was the hardest part and my labor had been already what I expected of transition. Well all it did was make me high as a kite and no relief. I thought my nurse, who was amazing by the way, was hiding under my bedside table. I am mad I got the Stadol. It was "wasted" meds-didn't help at all.
So the decision to get an epidural was made and waiting for the fluid bag to get through me was excruciatingly long. They broke my water and I got the epidural. I know I was fine with the decision when I couldn't have cared less on the size of the needle (I'm absolutely terrified of them). The hardest part was sitting for it and sitting still while I was having contractions. This was around 4:30am and I was 8cm.
I'm glad I waited so long to get my epidural because he was barely, if at all, affected by it and neither was the speed of my labor. By 5:45 I was 10cm and 100% effaced and feeling ready to push. My epidural had ran out and I was ready to push without it. I had my break, I didn't need a refill. However, before they would let me push I had to wait for my doctor to get there and change and had to have a temporary catheter because I couldn't pee because of the epidural. They had me wait to push until 6:30 while my contractions pushed him down further. That was so uncomfortable...feeling the need to push and not being able to.
At 6:30am I finally began pushing and boy did I underestimate it. It was such a slow process. Finally around 7:45/8am things really got moving. Lights were being turned on, nurses were coming in, the bed was getting broken down and I was getting amazing motivation from Trevor and the doctor. I really needed it because I was exhausted. I was sleeping between pushing contractions and having Trevor spoon feed me ice chips. I started begging my doctor to do anything she could, just get him out. She gave me a small episiotomy (which I didn't want originally but didn't care at this point-I would have taken a c-section-and I ended up not tearing because of it) and I just had a few pushes left. They kept saying he had dark hair which Trevor was shocked by-he was convinced it would be blond like he was. I was thankful for the amount of hair; it made all the heartburn worth it. Every time I pushed my doctor kept saying "He's almost here" and Trevor kept saying "Oh boy". I looked at him and said "He's going to be born on his due date, grandpa Jack's birthday". I thought Trevor was going to lose it then. His grandpa Jack meant so much to him.
At 8:14am I felt him squirm out and they put him on my chest. Trevor cried and I surprisingly did not. My mom said she heard my last push and his first cry in the hall. I was so relieved he was finally here and I was so amazed by him. He was so alert (8 and 9 on his apgars) and we just hung out skin to skin. He cried to clear out his lungs and I told him how much I loved him, happy birthday and sorry how rough his day had been. After some skin to skin and an attempt at breastfeeding they weighed him and measured him. 8lb 8oz and 20 3/4 in long. They kept saying it was a quick labor for such a big baby. I disagree. It was so intense, I feel like it should have been shorter.
Recovery was rougher than I thought it would be but we stayed until Thursday morning and that helped. Our hospital was amazing. The staff, nurses, housekeeping and room service, was all amazing. The healthy food was phenomenal and I made sure to order lots of it at each meal.
I won't bore you all (although I may have already) with the details of our hospital stay and first days home with visitors and I'm not going to talk too much about how awesome Jack is because I plan to do a 1 month old post next week (how can he be a month so soon?!) but I will say a few words. Being a mom is amazing and I have such a happy baby. He laughs and smiles a ton already, really doesn't cry or fuss and is absolutely adorable. The only meltdowns we have had (both Jack and I) are from difficulties breastfeeding. After five trips to a lactation consultant, endless hours researching on sites like kellymom.com and a few crying sessions, Jack and I are happily breastfeeding. I actually did this whole post while feeding him and on my phone. Our sessions had been so upsetting and hard before that I would have never thought this would be possible.
I want to leave with this, though. Before the last three weeks, labor and attempting breastfeeding I definitely had some judgements of those that got epidurals and formula fed. But having gone through everything I have recently I now know that there can be no guarantees with parenting. We can plan and hope for certain outcomes but flexibility and letting go the need to have everything go perfectly as planned won't make anyone happy. (Although cloth diapering is going so well and I'm thankful for that!). I hope I can remember this lesson as I raise Jack as I'm sure there will be times when life doesn't go as planned. I think in the end it was good for me to have struggled with labor and breastfeeding because I now have dropped unnecessary judgements that aren't fair. Mommy wars are so ridiculous. I hope I can refrain from judging in the future because we all are just doing the best we can with what we have at the moment. Now he just looked at me and smiled so I'm going to go and read a book to him and hope tonight has a lot of sleep for everyone but I won't be upset if it doesn't work out quite that way.
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