I love giving him the best food possible for him; no GMOs, no corn syrup, no cost.
I love that I was able to fight through SO many trials and still be breastfeeding him.
I am lucky.
But, I hate pumping.
I hate carrying my pump to school.
I hate washing the parts.
I hate devoting 30 minutes of my prep hour every day to it.
I hate having to eat my lunch alone every day.
I hate having to do this in a freezing cold room.
I hate having to drink nasty tea to help my supply because I don't get as much out of pumping as I do when nursing.
But, I love pumping.
I love that it has given me a new outlook on veganism.
I love that I feel for dairy cows now more than ever.
I love that it keeps me firm in my desires to not eat dairy.
I love that every time I go to pump and send Trevor a text that whines "ugh, I hate this", it reminds me that I have a choice. A powerful one.
I love that it shows me that just as I hate drinking that tea, I am sure the dairy cows hate being force fed an unnatural diet and medicines to produce more milk.
I love that it reminds me that just as I hate to do this away from my baby and would rather nurse, dairy cows are ripped away from their young moments after birth only to be stuck in a pen indoors, constantly being sucked of their breast milk to give to people that "just can't give up cheese".
I love that with each painful clogged duct I get from pumping, never from nursing, that I can empathize with the raw, blistering, udders of a dairy cow that can not stop or alter what is done and must keep being pumped for those that want milk for calcium or vitamin D rather than from sunshine or leafy greens and plants.
I love that pumping has taught me I have a choice to continue or not and give formula or even when I do this again for another child. I can get a break. The poor dairy cow that is kept in a never ending state of pregnancy by means of artificial insemination until she is spent and then becomes hamburger does not.
Did you know all hamburger meat comes from spent dairy cows? No longer able to provide milk or get pregnant, the cow is killed and mixed with thousands of other dairy cows to become your hamburger.
I love that pumping has taught me to be compassionate, convicted and make choices that help and do no harm.
I love that pumping gave me the strength to be the voice for those that don't have one. Even though most people probably stopped reading this because they just don't want to know.
Yes, I used to eat dairy.
Yes, I enjoyed it before.
No, I will no longer eat or drink the breast milk of another being because pumping taught me so.